"The three-year-old crisis" is a phase that most children go through between the ages of 18 months and 3 years. It begins when children discover their ability to refuse others' requests. Children react negatively to many requests, including pleasant ones. Generally, children are more stubborn than cooperative. If not understood clearly, this behavior can become extremely annoying for parents.
1. Signs of a stubborn 3-year-old
Each 3-year-old child will have good moments and bad moments, sometimes following each other very quickly. The brain of a 3-year-old is still exploring the world and its rules. At the same time, young children cannot always use words to express their desires, so they use their bodies and gestures to convey their emotions. All of this can culminate in a fit of rage or chaos, a tantrum, crying, and shouting over very trivial reasons. Negative emotions often occur because the child feels a strong sense of injustice, they are denied a toy or you won't buy them some candy. They are too young to understand the reasons behind their parents' restrictions. All children know is that they want something and they don't get it.
Of course, three-year-olds can misbehave in many different ways. They may act aggressively towards other children or have a habit of breaking or destroying things. Toddlers often bite - this is a side effect of the teething process. It is important for parents to recognize that all these behaviors are quite common, but they also need to know when things have gone too far.
Behavioral issues often begin around 18 months of age. Before that time, children move less, have simpler needs, and less free will. Anger tantrums are quite common in many children, if not most two- and three-year-olds. By the age of five, when children have better language skills and better control over their emotions, tantrums will subside (although not always).
Watch now: Is a child showing signs of frequently screaming, crying, and hitting family members experiencing the "the three-year-old crisis"?
2. How to handle a child's three-year-old crisis?
Consider the following guidelines to help you and your child get through this phase:
- Don't consider this normal phase as the child's abnormality: Instead of saying "no" to your child, say "shouldn't dad/mom do it this way?" or "Is that what you mean, right?" A child's negative reaction should not be mistaken for disrespect.
- Give children many choices: This is a good way to enhance your child's sense of freedom and control, making them more cooperative. Examples of choices include letting your child choose between a shower or a bath; which book to read; which toys to put in the bath; which fruit to have as a snack; which clothes or shoes to wear; which breakfast cereal to eat; and which game to play,... For tasks that your child doesn't like, let them express their concerns by asking: "Do you want to do it slowly or quickly?" or "Do you want Dad/Mom to do it or do you want to do it yourself?" Let the child quickly feel that they are the decision-maker, and they will become cooperative sooner.
- Don't give your child a choice when there is no choice. Safety rules, such as wearing a seatbelt when sitting in a car, even though you can explain the reason for following this rule. Don't ask questions when there is only one acceptable answer; guide your child in the kindest way possible (for example, "I'm sorry, but you have to go to bed now.").
- Provide transition time when changing activities. If your child is having fun and needs to switch to another activity, they might need a transition period. For example, if your child is playing with toys when it's almost dinner time, give them a 5-minute warning.
- Eliminate excessive rules: the more rules you have, the less likely your child is to agree to follow them. Eliminating unnecessary expectations and arguments helps your child feel less controlled by having more positive interactions than negative ones each day.
- Avoid responding to your child's requests with "no" too often: Be a model of agreeableness for your child. When your child asks for something and you're not sure, try saying "yes" or delay your decision by saying "Let me think about it." If you intend to make a request, do it immediately, before your child whines or begs. When you have to say "no," tell your child that you are very sorry and give them a reason.
What should a 3-year-old learn, or why does a 3-year-old cry often, are certainly issues that many parents are concerned about. Instead of imposing on the child, parents should understand the psychological and physiological changes of the child at this time to better understand them and guide, shape their personality from this golden stage.
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